'Weather'

I hate hot weather & I love cold weather. But I like wearing summer clothes. I know it's weird. When we moved out here from Chicago, my mom said she was happy because there wouldn't be any below zero weather. It's already in the low 70's so it's probably going to get really cold out here. Fall is a season where you can wear cute stuff too but with winter you have to put layers & layers & layers on. Soooo many clothes. In the summer when it's really hot, it's hard to get cool but when it's cold it's easy to get warm with blankets and stuff. What's your favorite season & why.

-If Only . . .

'The One'

How do you truly know who you want to be with in life? Is it by the way he makes you feel? Or is the way no matter what's going you can think of him then everything will seem tolerable? I guess you'll never know until you'll there. It makes no sense though. Why must we go through relationships that mean nothing just to find that? It's a waste of time. On the verge of tears but I'm gonna try to keep my composure. So I met this guy on the internet. (I know that should of told me something, I really need to stop doing that) But we chatted for a while then exchanged numbers. Talked on the phone for a while then decided to meet. So he came to get me and we went to applebees. It was straight, nothing major, to be honest I wasn't really feeling him at that point. Over the course of like a month or so we talked on the phone constantly & saw each other from time to time. And as stupid as this was I fell for him. Now I feel like it was the dumbest thing to do. Like I swear I felt like he was everything that I wanted. He was smart, sexy, goal oriented, strong & funny. But obviously he didn't feel the same about me. So I've pretty much wasted two months of my life. The word love means nothing to me at all anymore. People throw it around just because. Maybe they don't truly understand the word. I blame myself for being naive the whole time. No matter how old a guy is he'll always be immature. With our five year age difference, there's really not much difference. The saying "Abandon your mind & follow your heart," is the dumbest saying to me. I really don't advise it because your heart can be really stupid at times. The sad part is I'm on the phone with him right now. (I know I know I'm a dumbass) Obviously he's a bad fucking habit that I need to shake, like asap. I guess that's it for now. I really want this so I don't know if I should just go with the flow & see what happens. Guess I'll spend the rest of my night listening to him snore in my ear & watching youtube videos, doubt I'll get any sleep. Night :)

- If Only . . . 

'Anonymous'

Last night I got the inspiration to write a blog. I'd been wanted to start one for a while now but didn't really know which direction I wanted to take. After reading The Giver I had so many thoughts and no one to share then with, so why not the internet. My blog will be a scrambled mess just like my life. So let me introduce myself, I'm a seventeen year old , college student. For this blog I'll remain nameless. My title diaryofahomelessgirl is true to it's name because I don't feel that I have a real home. A home is the place where one lives permanently, esp. as a member of a family or household, but to me it's more than that. It's the place where you feel safe and comfortable. The place that you come to when you've had a stressful day and just want to relax. The place where you create laughter and memories with the ones you love. I feel like I'm in a place where I'm with the ones that I love but at the same time I'm living with strangers. That's probably a little confusing so let me explain. 
Imagine living in a two bedroom apartment with five people, two of which you don't know but you are forced to live and kinda share your life with them. You eat in the same kitchen and use the same appliances. You must coexist with these people even though you may not like them and you don't know them. Now close your eyes and imagine living in a two bedroom apartment. In one room there's three beds, one for you, your mother and your sister. And in the other bedroom, there's a woman with her seven year old son. These people could be thieves or murderers; you really have no idea. Well that's my life. This may be a little confusing to understand and grasp but the more I write, the clearer it'll become. I don't feel that I have a very complicated life because I know that there are others dealing with much more than I am. With that being said I am lucky that I have a roof over my head and clothes on my back. But that doesn't mean that what I deal with doesn't get challenging at times.

-If Only . . .

'The Giver'

So, I've just got done reading The Giver by Lois Lowry. It is a must read, seriously, if you haven't read it, please do. It's a story based far in the future, in a time where social differences are no longer a problem. The people are set in a gated community like setting, where there is no color, religion, & even real feelings. The people don't even understand love or family; they don't even think for themselves. In this 'community' sex is not allowed, your parents are not even your real parents. Each family is assigned a mother, father and two siblings. Once a child becomes twelve they're given their career; they practically become adults. The careers are like birthmother, hence no need for sex. To make a long story short this young boy, Jonas, at the age of twelve is given the career of Receiver. His job is to keep the records of the world so far. There is only one in this community so his job is important to the community. As he begins his training with the former receiver he realizes that the world can't see color, has never witnessed snow, rain, or sunshine because of the controlled climate. They don't understand pain nor sadness nor happiness because of the controlled environment they live in. So the two receivers decide to change that, they feel that living life oblivious isn't right. Jonas plans to leave the community because with his departure all the thoughts and feelings he's now acquired of pain, sorrow, happiness, animals, colors, love, music, and so forth will be released into the community. When he departs things truly become hard for him because he feels actual pain from falling, coldness from rain and snow, and hunger because he can't find food. In the end Jonas is close to dying but then the story ends abrubtly, leaving you wanting an explanation of some sort. "Behind him. across vast distances of space and time, from the place he had left, he thought he heard music too. But perhaps it was only an echo." It never said whether he died or not. It could mean that he died at peace knowing that the he changed the world. But it could also mean that he found what he was looking for. But I guess it depends on the perception of the mind. To me it meant he died knowing that he made a difference like he wanted to, so he died accomplished. 
The Giver drew me in because of the what if it possessed , What if we truly felt no pain, saw no color, and had no true troubles? What if that was all we've ever known? Would that make things better or would it be worse? I think knowing what I know about the world now, if it suddenly turned like that, I wouldn't like it. I wouldn't like not having a choice in the things that I do.
If you've read this, thanks and welcome to my blog!!! I would like to know your thoughts on The Giver if you've read it. :)

-If Only . . .